Midnight Manoeuvres

A series of nocturnal events...

No.1: Skye At Night

On one of our trips, friend Ian and I met up in Skye, with Malcolm & Geraldine, (Bean), to try to attempt The Inaccessible Pinnacle, a huge pinnacle of rock perched on the very summit of the highest ground, making the high point of the rock into the Munro.  

This then becomes the most difficult Munro and one for which more sensible Munroists hire the services of a Guide. We were no exception. The four of us teamed up with six others to make an attempt.

The weather was very windy and two of the ladies in our party became nervous, insistent that we were experiencing a full gale. They said that they were yachtsmen and knew a gale when they saw one. 

Two others were having difficulty with the steepness of the terrain so, as we drew closer to the pinnacle, the guide decided that we would have to abort the attempt on the rock climb to the summit, and head downwards.

Both Ian and I had been to the foot of the Pinnacle on at least two previous occasions, kicked its base, and turned away, lacking a guide.

Now we were having to turn away yet again even though we did have a guide.

We spoke with our guide, explained our situation and told him that we would stay at the foot of the rock for an hour or so, in case a Rock Climber happened on the scene who we could perhaps persuade to see us to the top.

When our guide saw how serious we were he then offered to guide us up, but not until he had seen that our original party members were safely well on their way down and well clear of dangerous places.

Malcolm and Geraldine helped by offering to lead the nervous party down the mountain once the guide was happy with the position.

Ian and I sat around for about an hour until our guide eventually reappeared. We then roped up, and made the awkward scramble to the summit with our guide leading whilst casually rolling a fag.

To non-climbers the drops were horrendous and I am not certain that we were taken the easiest route!!!

Eventually, with some trepidation and cursing, we duly made it, then abseiled off, and descended the mountain without mishap.

That night Ian and I were staying at a different B + B to Malcolm and Bean. We shared a twin bedded room.

During the night I made one of my usual sorties, along the corridor, to the loo which we shared with other residents.

I returned quietly to my room, feeling my way slowly to avoid the necessity to put any lights on. I pulled back my covers and placed one foot in the bed when I heard a little squeal and a bedside light came on. I found myself next to a Chinese lady who, I am embarrassed to say, must have been quite shocked and scared. 

I knew instantly that it was not Ian !!!. I mumbled an apology and fled the room. Putting landing lights on I regained my orientation and found my correct bedroom.

Next morning at breakfast a Chinese lady gave me a justified admonishing glance. Thankfully, her partner did not appear to be aware of my embarrassing error, and neither was mine.

No 2: Ratagan Youth Hostel. Loch Shiel- An Alarming Development

The Ratagan Youth Hostel enjoys great views. It overlooks Loch Shiel and also looks across to the Five Sisters Mountains and towards Eilean Donan Castle.

After a few jars in the nearby Loch Shiel Hotel with Malcolm, our accommodation for the night was the above mentioned Ratagan Youth Hostel, beautifully located by the Loch Shore.

We were in a very large shared dormitory containing at least 12 or more Bunk Beds.

I had claimed a bottom bunk fairly near the exit door in preparation for any nocturnal wanderings that may become necessary.

At around midnight gentle mutterings ceased and the last light was extinguished. All was dark, all was calm. (Sounds like a Christmas Carol!!)

This peace,and calm lasted until about 3am. This was when I knew that I needed to make a move.

I stealthily climbed out of my bed, and, using the bed frames as a guide, slowly fumbled my way, in the pitch dark, to the exit door.

After a few minutes I was surprised not to have found it, so I moved over an isle and slowly made my way to the next wall.

Here I again groped around unsuccessfully for a door, and then had to repeat the movement. In fact, I had to repeat this manoeuvrer three or four times before I found the door I was looking for.

Gently I found the handle, turned and pushed.

Next thing I knew I had fallen forward flat on my face onto some grass, having dropped about a foot.

Instantly, all the lights came on and several alarm bells started screaming into the previously deadly quiet night.

People started to awake and leap out of their beds. Panic and pandemonium broke out in the Dormitory, and in the building as a whole.

Somehow or other I was at the opposite part of the Dormitory to my own bed, and I had stumbled upon the emergency exit, which was alarmed, and which opened on to the outside grass. I had fallen flat on my face, and was outside!!

Needless to say neither Malcolm nor any of the other residents were amused, although thinking about, and relating it, it does sound quite funny!!

 

Event No.3: Wasdale Head: Lake District- Rural Relief...

One night I was with my long distance walking team, Dave Southern, Marcus Worthington and Jim Brindle. We were doing the Cumbrian Way which takes 73 miles from Ulverston to Carlisle.

Our first nights stop was at Wasdale Head Farm. Needless to say we spent some time in the Wasdale Head Hotel Bar before retiring.

As usual, I had a call from nature in the early hours. It was very dark, and I had not taken due notice of where the toilet actually was. I couldn't find anything on our floor so I went carefully down stairs. 

Old properties are famous for the lack of windows, so mostly it was pitch black. 

After a bit of wandering about I found myself in the kitchen. (I didn't like to put the lights on for fear of waking up others). From there I found a store room full of old wellingtons, outdoor clothing, and walking sticks etc. 

Eventually I found a toilet, and all was well. Or was it? I still had to find my way back, and in the dark one room was as good as another. I knew it was upstairs, so, stairs found, I knew I was getting closer.

Eventually I felt confident that I had found my room. I was in a twin room with David Southern, who sleeps for England. I gingerly opened the door and padded across the room, found the bed and ran a hand over the covers just to check it was mine.

“Bloody hell” said an unrecognisable voice, causing me to beat a hasty retreat. After more tense minutes I did in fact find my room, so that was that.

Next morning, we were just having breakfast when the farmer poked his head round the door of the Dining Room.

.

“Who the Bloody Hell tried to get into my bed last night” he uttered.

After a pregnant pause he burst out laughing and I owned up.

“Its so bloody dark he said, I sometimes have trouble myself.”

Event No 4: Arran- I Hope The Bus Doesn't Come...

In April 1989 we found ourselves on the Ferry from Ardrossan to Brodick on Arran. Our party was Ian, Malcolm and Pete Bevan. Our plan was that after a night in Brodick we would take a bus to North Glen Sannox then walk back to Brodick via Cir Mhor and Goat Fell. 

The following day we would then do the Beinn Tarsuinn Horseshoe before returning to the mainland. This would add two Corbetts to our total.

So we would manage without a car and leave it at Ardrossan.

As was fairly usual at this time we did not pre-book accommodation but just expected to find something when we arrived at Brodick. After all it was only April.

To our surprise the first three Bed & Breakfasts we tried were full!

As we walked down the main street for about the third time, a lady came out of her B+B and stopped us at her gate. “Are you guys looking for accommodation” she said. “You do know that its Arran Golf Week and everything is pretty well fully booked!!”

“However, if you are stuck, I have a basement and I have recently purchased some new beds. They are not assembled yet, but if you want to go for a meal and a drink, and return later, say 10.30pm I could have them sorted by then”.

Wow! We had just met Father Christmas' Wife!!!

Needless to say, with valuable drinking time starting to slip away, we jumped at the offer.

Returning at give or take 10.30pm we found that the landlady had been as good as her word.

In her basement were three brand new beds, all neatly made up. Breakfast 08.30am she confirmed.

The basement was a big room, as big as the ground floor of the house. It had windows along one complete side with numerous decorating trestle tables full of plant pots for some reason. There was a glass door to the back yard which was at a lower level than the properties front door.

Ian, Malcolm and Peter needed no rocking, whilst I took my usual hour or so longer to drift off.  Later, about 3am I realised that I needed to go for my normal nocturnal meander. 

However there was no facility in the basement and the door up to the house was locked. So, outside it had to be. It looked to be snowing lightly, so, being only in my pyjamas I donned a Jumper. Just as well!

I opened the door and went into the large back yard. As I did so the back door slowly and gently slid closed. I was not concerned until I heard a slight “click”. 

My suspicions were confirmed. The door had a Yale lock, and it was self closing.

To put it bluntly. “I was locked out”.

Having attended to the call of duty I returned to the door. No joy. I tapped on the window several times with increasing vigour. No joy. There was no way I could go round to the front door and ring the bell at this time of night.

I wandered out of the back gate and onto the Promenade which was only about 20 yards away. There was a Bus Shelter with a bench. It didn't look very inviting on a cold night like this, but I gave it a go.

After about 20 minutes I realised that this was not a good permanent solution, so returned to the basements outside door. Knocking again produced a nil result once again.

I noticed that the door window had a small quarter size window over it and that it was very slightly open. I wondered. It was the sort of window that had a long handle with holes every 2” where you could adjust the width of the opening by aligning the hole with a small metal peg.

Maybe, just maybe. An additional problem was the trestle tables full of potted plants which would be in the way. On the other hand they might be useful to break a fall.

To get to window height from the outside I borrowed a Dustbin, then a couple of old box's. One to go on top of the Bin and one to give me height to try to climb on top of the Bin/Box. Gingerly I managed to mount the Bin/Box so that I was within reach of the window.

I gently opened the window to its full extent, calling softly to my sleeping friends to no avail.

So, I now braced myself and pulled myself head first, slowly and gently, through the open window. The front opening of my pyjamas caused a difficulty as it caught on the metal peg. 

When I was three quarters of the way in I could feel that I was losing the protection of my trousers and could find nothing on the inside of the window/door to ease my descent. The only slight bonus was the trestle tables full of potted plants.

This was my only option unless I was to spend the rest of the night half in and half out. I could just imagine if I was found in this position by my friends, or, worse still by the proprietor or a guest. 

Closing my Eyes I lunged downwards, landing amongst the plants which offered no cushion whatsoever. The noise I made would have awakened the dead. But did it awaken my team? Not at all!!

I checked for broken bones, and finding none I hastily retrieved my pyjama bottoms from the peg, and quickly made for bed. Surely someone from the upstairs rooms must have thought that there had been an earthquake!!  Peace reigned.

Once in bed I managed some sleep. The thought that I might have spent the night in the bus shelter, or stuck half way through the small window became a slowly receding nightmare.

In the morning my friends awoke to find the floor covered in empty plant pots, lots of soil, and an assortment of flowers.

“What on earth has happened” they demanded.

I hastily tidied up before going upstairs for breakfast.

Be wary of Yale locks!!

PART 2 ADDED 5th JANUARY 2026

Event No 5: Sleep Tight Ladies & Gentlemen

The little village of Inverie is a great starting place for a number of mountain excursions. It is not connected by road TO ANYWHERE!

Even if you are not going to the hills, the short, regular, postal ferry ride from Mallaig is well worth the ride. Some services run all the way down to the end of Loch Nevis.

The Old Forge Inn in Inverie Village is only a few paces away from a Ferry Landing and is in the Guinness Records as the remotest pub in Great Britain. The short road through the village is a dead end either way.

After a great day on rugged hills we decided to stay at the small bunkhouse at the east end of the village. Naturally, before turning in, we were duty bound to visit the Inn. The short walk back (about half a mile) was made in pitch black conditions. No moon or stars or glimmer of light. Not having remembered a torch meant slow progress even though the way was largely walled either side. At one point we jumped out of our skins as a blood curdling screech assailed us from about three feet away. It turned out to be a nocturnal Peacock!!

The Bunkhouse reminded us of an old army barracks. A long shed with numerous rooms along its length. We had forgotten which door to use, and ended up at the far end of the building. Only one door here, so we used it. It led straight into the end bedroom We found a light switch which immediately illuminated a room full of previously sleeping ladies who were not amused.

At the far end of that room was another door which led to yet another dormitory, and so on. Before we found our own dormitory we had unfortunately disturbed a host of people.

On reflection:

Who are these people who seem to be able to fall asleep within minutes.

Were we really that late back.

If it had happened to me I would have been furious.

Event No 6: All Mod Cons

One night found us at an Hotel in Killin, close by the Falls of Dochart.

Two of us shared one room whilst our third member, Ian as it happened, had the luxury of a room to himself. The rooms were a new extension, and involved going out of the Inns main door, walking right 40 yards, then re-entering the building to the new bedrooms.

Unfortunately for him, Ian decided to pay a late night call to the Loo.

Despite being in a newly constructed annex he was disappointed to find that his room was not en suite, and the corridor also revealed no toilet facility. He had only one option. Despite being in his nightwear he exited the building and retraced his steps to the Inn's main entrance which was fortunately not locked. Having wandered round in the dark he found the facilities and then retraced his steps to his room.

In the morning he was ready to confront the management about the poor design of the buildings new extension.

Not having had this problem ourselves, we visited his room to find that what looked like a new wardrobe door was, as in our room, the entrance to a new bathroom and shower and toilet facility.

Since then we always make the point of escorting him to the en suite loo before allowing him his bed!

Event No 7: Midnight Movies & No Mod Cons

In November 1986 we tackled the Munro Beinn Sgritheall, a splendid little Munro that overlooks Loch Hourn. We decided to ascend from the west end, starting with a steep thrutch from Creag Ruadh. There was a good covering of snow most of the way up and, unfortunately, we didn't take in the nearby Munro Top. We had to return for this in 2010 when we were collecting the Munro Tops. Once again this required crampons on frozen snow and ice.

Not having booked any accommodation, we called in at the Glenelg Inn to enjoy a couple of pints and seek information on places to stay.

We enquired if there was a hostel nearby, but no joy. We later enquired about B+B accommodation.  It was apparent that we wanted to stay in the area, and it was also apparent that we were reluctant to pay hotel prices. After a bit of banter the landlord made us an offer we could not refuse.

It turned out that there were three top trainee chefs staying with him for the week. He had a brother in London who was in charge of the catering at the London Ritz Hotel. The three trainees were over from America, had spent time at the Ritz, and then been invited to Glenelg for a holiday before returning to America. There was one proviso...they must prepare all visitor evening meals whilst at Glenelg. They had already been here 5 days, and, being November, had served No evening meals.

So here was the deal. If we ordered three evening meals then we could have a three bedded room for free, the only catch being that the room was in the process of being revamped.  No probs. Sounded like beds for the night and a decent meal.

The chefs duly attended on us, to show us their gourmet menus, and tonight's choices,  including freshly caught local fish, scallops, and several other delicacies, mostly with fancy names.  Needless to say, with the boys eager to show the owner and ourselves just what they could do, we enjoyed a sumptuous feast.

There was a roaring fire going, stoked up by numerous old wooden chairs which had been made redundant by the alterations to the hotel section of the Inn.

In due course, quite late of course, we made for our room. Before long we were comfortably in bed.

After about half hour the bedroom door opened and two man wandered in, carrying a chair apiece; one of the few remaining ones!

“OOPS!” they said when they saw us. “What are you doing in here.” they continued. “The room is supposed to be unoccupied”.  “We are here renovating the hotel section and we use this room for our late night Blue Movie Sessions.

We hope you don't mind.” 

After a long day on the hill, a good meal, and a good night at the bar we thought “Who are we to spoil someone else's evening”.

So we reluctantly joined in the Blue Movie Session.

Later that night with the room finally our own, I decided that it was appropriate to make one of my Normal Neville, short, nocturnal excursions. There was no flushing WC in our room and I didn't know where the facilities were. Not wishing to awaken my team, and not knowing my way around the hotel, I opted for an easy option. I would use the sink! (sorry folks).

In due course, I pulled the plug out, to find out, only too soon, that the plumbing pipes had not yet been attached to the sink.

The result was wet feet.

Life can be a bitch sometimes!